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The Optimist 6/11/96 
Abomination so fluorescent
Discounted once again,
Lower than whale s*%t
No one can befriend.
Sinking ever lower
Exploring depths anew,
Tried to stop this expedition
Before it broke through.
Self pity or depression
Tell me, what's the difference?
Can’t see inside or out
Only serve this sentence.
Bullets go much further
Than Prozac on my tongue,
Better to act sooner
Than wait until it’s done.
Lord knows it ain’t easy
the windows fogged to hell,
Can’t see what lurks ahead
But we scream “All is well.”
Lord know it ain’t easy
Fallin’ way too fast,
Nuthin’s makin’ sense now
Nuthin’ that'll last.
© 1998 Orcastration Music (ascap) top
Pain 5/15/98
Will you just die?
This indeed a heartfelt cry,
To emotion, this cancer
that burns inside.
Whatever will come
I come undone
Let the walls come down
on songs we sung.
Self-inflicted
I am addicted
This endless burning
world so wicked.
Massive concern
your flag is burned
Though tatteredly waving
history is learned.
Scarce is the sanity
this perceived calamity
that hurts inside
a total atrocity.
I want to hurt you
my faith is untrue
This chase within
payment is due.
This pain is learned
it cannot die young
But I can,
a knife in the chest
This infected wound
Bleeds again.
© 1998 Orcastration Music (ascap) top
Suicidal You 10/7/96
Waning vision sanity
Sleepless shattered soul,
Nothing worth fighting for
Unwilling to pay the toll.
Your wars are about nothing
Yet millions died for you,
Convictions come too easily
When other carry them through.
You stifle with your big fist
All of us in your path,
We suffocate individually
Beneath your righteous wrath.
This system European
Capitalistic Antichrist,
Crushes all in the way
The one percent behind the wall.
Conservatives want to wage a war
On drugs, or gays or sin,
You scream for freedom from Big Brother
And oppress your next of kin.
You liberals want to take control
And save us from ourselves,
On borrowed money and borrowed time
Like Santa’s welfare elves.
I’m too tired to wage a war
On a society without a clue,
My fires of rage are dwindling into
Suicidal you.
© 1998 Orcastration Music (ascap) top
Introspection 9/12/97
Watchin the free wind blowin’
Behind a dirty pane of glass,
How different was it yesterday
Although a thousand years have passed.
Lightnin’ touches ground
And the quaking begins,
Jarring loose the memories
Of imaginary childhood friends.
Chorus
And I watch the Earth pass by
All the flames that were my life.
Then I leave them again.
Though a love for life evades me
I’m standin’ on hallowed ground,
Cause I see my God’s love for me
When I dare to look around.
I used to see life in riddles
Couldn’t find the reason why,
Searchin’ outside myself for somethin’
that would make me feel so high.
Today there’s such a difference
Can’t begin to tell you why,
Just looked deep within myself
You know God was there all the time.
It’s a voice so strong within me
And with me all the time,
I feel the warmth so deeply
From the brightest light that shines.
© 1998 Orcastration Music (ascap) top
Little Doll 4/1/98
A thousand years you waited
A thousand tears you cried,
Waiting for love’s return
Wondering if it had died.
A battle for buried treasure
Elusive Thanksgiving
Through miles of stormy weather;
Forgotten reasons for living.
Murky waters show nothing at all
No hope, no light, no way,
Murky waters didn’t soften your fall
Once submerged, you were forced to stay.
Little Doll did I break you?
Your legs shattered no longer dance,
Oh Doll I just want to wake you
God please give me another chance.
The nights of splendid devotion
The stars were hung for us,
My love promised endless devotion
My words gave you reason to trust.
Your broken heart in my hands
Your broken legs lay before me,
My broken promises fill the air
You’re stuck with the words “I’m sorry.”
Murky waters showing nothing at all
No up, no down it's true,
Murky waters didn’t heed your call
They tried to drown you.
Little Doll can you hear me?
I realized too late,
Oh doll can’t count all you did for me
Can’t escape this weight.
Little Doll you’re so lovely
But you just can’t see
Oh Doll I’ve made a discovery-
Those murky waters were me.
© 1998 Orcastration Music (ascap) top
Waiting for the Sun 7/30/96
Chic engravings on my bathroom tile
Golden fixtures on my sink,
And looking deep into those hopeless eyes
The mirror lies again.
Trembling fingers hold my razor tight
Shave without seeing that face,
Can’t realize what lurks inside
Who occupies that space.
Livin’ all alone inside a crowd
You can’t fathom my pain,
I drink to cope with boredom and depression
And still feel I’m insane.
I’ve built a life that you might like to have
My secretary’s a 10,
My wife is beautiful, my kids get all A’s
My Lexus runs like a dream.
I think a lot of what you think of me
Wanting so much for you like me,
I look inside for self assurance and find
Self-hatred comes more naturally.
I fill my life with all the things that I want
And work so hard to feed the family,
yet all the toys can never fill up the hole
Because inside I am so empty.
Giving up my pain is just so hard to do
Didn’t know it was up to me,
Til’ some good friends helped me give up the juice
They’re happy, joyous and free.
Chorus
I found my life in a bottle
Lick these wounds with a hundred-proof tongue,
Lived out my life inside these barroom walls
Waiting for the sun.
© 1998 Orcastration Music (ascap) top
New Name 6/17/98
Realizing I am in a daze
Can’t break free of this surreal haze
Thoughts are buried in their bloody graves
I’m once again alone.
Think my mind is a defensive soul
Protecting me from falling in the hole
Culling thoughts that are beyond control
‘Til there are none.
Can’t imagine any other way
Wake up to find a different day,
With freedom as my new friend
Who would I be then?
My life’s a sin of omission
Can’t seem to break tradition
Like a BB through the brain
Gotta find a new name.
Watching movies for the hundredth time
‘Til I know all the actors lines
Throwin’ away all my precious time
Life of the living dead.
Tried a shrink or two to no avail
Prescription drugs always fail
Illegal substances landed me in jail
This is what I said
© 1998 Orcastration Music (ascap) top
Cowboy Song 6/17/98
Longing for the simple life
we gaze away from the city,
Away from our daily strife
we yearn for serenity.
Stress in the work place
and the monthly stack of bills.
‘til a simple broken shoe lace
sends you off with an AK-47 and a dozen
high capacity banana clips and night scopes
to the local mall on a busy Saturday
afternoon to express your disgust at your inability
to execute your daily tasks and fulfill the needs
of your family as well as your desire to
communicate your dismay at a system that has failed
in it’s intended purpose of making sure that no one
is a slave - and yet - we are slaves of
the system…
At a time like this
We gotta realize
It's time to shake our fist
Time to synthesize.
We all need a cowboy song
Yeah we all sing along
We all need a cowboy song
to take us way back home.
Gotta know my secret
if you’re gonna have any peace,
The mountain of daily insanities
Grows like a disease.
Those in the clutches of this nightmare
will try and suck you in,
misery loves it’s company
but don’t let it happen ‘cuz the horror of living with the single purpose of serving
a bloated system that can only take, take, take
while you try and pinch off a crumb for yourself
at the same time as you attempt to actually
save something- some meager pittance of
a salary to be removed only after you
are too old to enjoy it because the ulcers
have eaten your guts ‘til you can’t eat and
you’re so consumed with profits and losses
that butterflies become invisible- will become
once again a reality unless we believe
beyond a shadow of a doubt …that …
At a time like this
We gotta realize,
That we can’t resist
Gotta tranquilize
We all need a cowboy song
We all sing along
We all need a cowboy song.
© 1998 Orcastration Music (ascap) top
Friends 8/5/98
Last weak addendum
Such time did we acrue,
Stale faces very needy
Pollute our morning dew.
Those satisfactory actions
Which nullify their minds,
Contribute to their ignorance
Of these cold-blooded crimes.
So let our hearts be mended
Resentments disappear,
Damaging efforts be ended
And everything made quite clear.
Befriend the ones who compliment
The goodness of your heart,
Steer clear judgmental and needy ones
In the courses that you chart.
Can’t hold, stone cold
Got no control,
Black hole, your soul
My love you stole.
Don’t know, don’t go
Leave me alone,
Go home, stone cold
I’ll break this hold.
Nice, to have a portable friendship
Great, as long as I’m doin’ for you,
Shame, when I’m down you leave me breathless
I Gave it all for a friend like you
Stand by your side in the heat of battle
Wait to give you shelter in the pouring rain,
I paid attention to your wants & needs
You took my love and paid me back in pain.
© 1998 Orcastration Music (ascap) top
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Theodicy
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